Counting Down

10 days. 10 days until I embark on a, hopefully, epic road trip. Stay tuned.

Nani, Papa and All the Silver Pennies

Today, I started thinking about Nani and Papa. About how lucky I was to be able to spend time with my great grandparents when I was growing up. And not just some time, but whole days while my dad was in school and my mom was working. They had an old house. A really old house with high ceilings from probably the early 1900's. The yard in back was mostly dirt. But there were these stands of bamboo trees everywhere in which I could hide and explore and make adventures like only a four year old can.

Nani and Papa were big kids themselves, I think. Nani always had a twinkle in her eyes as did Papa. You know, she loved Papa so. Her family, I'm told a wealthy English family, threatened to disown her if she married Papa. She married him anyway and was disowned. They even passed within weeks of each other. They say Nani died of a broken heart. Ever wonder where I get my hopeless romantic streak from? Look no further. What could I remember from being only three or four years old? Plenty. Nani and I would play Chutes and Ladders and Ants in the Pants for what seemed like hours. Papa dug a few holes in the dirt in the back yard, cut down an old wood shafted putter, gave me a golf ball and delighted in watching me play. Nani would read to me from her worn copies of All the Silver Pennies and More Silver Pennies. And when it was time for a nap, there was the huge feather bed that I'd practically sink into and disappear.

Even after Nani passed on, she took care of me. As the story goes, I was, understandably distraught when she passed. I was only four years old, what did I know of death? I cried continuously. But then, one night a few days after, Nani came to me. She sat in a chair in the corner of my room and we had a lovely conversation in which she told me everything was going to be ok.

You'll forgive me if my eyes are a little watery, won't you? Sometimes a boy just misses his Nani and Papa.

Regrets? I've had a few

So, something in the comments got me to thinking. In general, I don't have too much use for regret. I've spent a good portion of my life making bad choices and then having fun with it but living with the consequences. Yeah, planning isn't my strong suit but making the best of rough patches is a talent I've developed. So, while I don't necessarily regret my decisions, mostly because of the stories I have to tell and the fun I've had along the way, I might, if given the chance, change some things.

How different would life be, though? Would I look back and regret a life lived to other's expectations? Would I be the person I am now? Would I be, the worst of all possible fates, bored with what I'd done in my life? Maybe. There's no way to know for sure. But, a decision here or there, some delayed gratification, some wiser financial decisions and perhaps things would be better. Or perhaps, they'd just be ... different. I had a boss once who, after hiring me into his group, asked me how I liked it. "Much better than where I was at." I replied. He then said something that I've often thought about when I wonder if things would be different or better somewhere else, he said "Well, eventually, it will be just a different kind of suck."

So, what about you? Do you have any regrets?