Monkey Blood, Sky Monkeys and Strawberry Cake

Have you ever been a pall bearer? I have. A couple of times. Let me let you in on a little secret, there's a reason they have a separate car for the pall bearers. It's because somehow, some way, there's always one pall bearer that breaks the tension with a joke of some sort. Next thing you know, we're all laughing. I think it's a byproduct of the tension. Today, one of the pall bearers said "You know, if Uncle 'Ne (Gramps) had been in charge of this, there would have been an ice chest with beer in it waiting for us in this car. I can hear him now 'I don't want y'all to get thirsty!' Of course, he wouldn't want us to drop him, so there'd only be one beer for each of us." This was only so funny because it's true.

Gramps had a mischievous sense of humor. He'd often joke about things that more serious folks would think were inappropriate. Which is why I couldn't help but laugh a little to myself at a few things during his funeral. I know he was laughing, too. For instance, when the priest was discussing Gramps's work with the Boy Scouts at the St. Peter - St. Joseph home. The priest said "All those orphans ... probably without fathers...." Huh? Probably? And when the priest was blessing Gramps's coffin, he had to step into the manger from the nativity scene to get all the way around it. At one point, someone commented on the good turn out. I could just hear Gramps saying "I'm surprised so many people showed up. I thought most of those people were dead by now." That's Gramps, though. He had a wicked sense of humor. The kind that made people say "Gramps!"

I'm sure going to miss him. He told me the meaning of life was strawberry cake. He taught me to drive the tractor and how to drive a column shift truck. He gave me a love of the outdoors, taught me about ranching and baling hay and the satisfaction of working hard. He took me fishing, to a cattle auction, and swimming in the stock tank. He gave me a hair cut outside on the back patio. He taught me how to thump a watermelon to see if it's ripe. When I was little, when I scraped my knee, he put betadine on it and called it monkey blood. When the fog was so thick you couldn't see the top of the Tower of the Americas, he told me that sky monkeys had bitten it off. When I was a kid and we'd take a nap together, somehow I always managed to put my foot in his mouth. He was my Scoutmaster, baby sitter, first aid, teacher, and friend. But most of all, he was my Gramps.

I heard you, Gramps

So, tonight was the rosary for Gramps. I was doing ok up until I walked into the chapel. Then I had to keep stepping outside. It was kind of hot in there. Apparently, it was so hot my eyes were sweating. And it's never, ever easy to see your dad cry. On the plus side, I got to see a lot of people I probably haven't seen in 20 years. On the minus side, I had a nose whistle throughout the rosary. You know, where you breathe in and you think "Hey, birds!" and then you realize it's probably just a stray booger. It wouldn't go away. On the plus side, it really was a nice rosary. On the minus side, a person really shouldn't learn they're a pall bearer when they ask "So, who are the pall bearers?" and the answer starts with "Well, you and ...." On the plus side, I'm really glad I get to be a pall bearer. It means a lot to me.

I kept imagining what Gramps would be saying. I could hear him grumping about how long it was, even though it wasn't very long at all. I almost expected him to get up and say something to speed things along. Although, I suppose if he had gotten up and said something, we would have been there forever. But then, well, I guess it depends on what you believe, but to be honest, I believe Gramps did speak to us. And, in true Gramps style, he was kind of grouchy about how long the rosary was or maybe he was cold or his pillow was uncomfortable or something because at a quiet part, one of the attendee's oxygen tank started beeping. Just like Gramps's used to do when he'd roll his chair over the tube or would need to change the bottle or whatever. All the time.

I heard you, Gramps.